Following my innate path...

My 3 year old niece had her first dance recital tonight, and the whole time I was sitting there watching these kids perform I was sad thinking that whatever their dreams are right now- whether to be a dancer or a mathematician- they probably will never reach fruition. I found an old journal recently that I kept when I was young. In it, I had listed all my possible future careers. Among them were photographer, pilot, and author. This was astounding to me, because before two years ago, I had never thought of becoming a photographer. But somehow I knew back then, before I even had the drive behind it, that it was something I wanted to do. Same thing with aviation. I flew my first plane 2 or 3 years ago, but had only gotten the itch to do it a matter of months before. How did I know at that early point in time, when I had no interest in it, that one day I would want to be a pilot??
The writing I do remember clearly, though. I wrote my first story when I was 5- "The Fruit Store" it was called. And, ever since then I wanted to be a writer. That is until I transferred to a college prep school in the fifth grade where my new friends started asking me what college I wanted to go to and what I wanted to study. Suddenly I was expected to plan out my whole life at age 10. So I did. Predictably, after one semester of college, that plan was already out the window, and I was left terrified. I had had this life map etched out in stone, and now it was no more. So I grabbed at any possible career path. Which would I be most likely to get a job in? Which would make the most money?? Which major was offered at a school nearest my current boyfriend??? But never did I stop and think: Dewin, what do you want to do with this life you've been blessed with? Until now.

And, the answer? Exactly what I knew when I was five. Before the "world" got in the way. I have been working to recapture that voice inside that tells me which way to go. The voice that is unadulterated by "what-ifs" and "impossibilities". And right now that voice tells me to take pictures of everything and write and read. These are the things that bring me unspeakable joy. A joy that lets me know I am following the right path.

These were the thoughts going through my head during the recital. (This photo, by the way, is not of my niece. All hers came out blurred of course!) I messed around with filters on this one. I tried so many I can't even remember which this one was, but it was some kind of graining. I just hope it expresses that freedom of youth to dream big, to not be blinded by expectations and dollar signs. I hope my niece is able to hold on to that as an adult.