So, I finally sat down and watched Marley and Me tonight. Everyone had told me how sad it was, but the saddest part to me was the people, not the dog. Both of the main characters were writers, which caught my interest immediately. The man, who had always wanted to be a reporter, was a columnist, and the woman, who had been a reporter, was now a stay-at-home mom. And, neither was happy. Ever since I got canned from my last job, where I was miserable, I started a new system. I noticed that I had hated every job I had ever had. Seriously hated. Yet, I stayed in them for fear that there wasn't anything better out there. I was comfortable there at least, I would say. It was crap, but it was familiar crap. I continually weaved in and out of this phase of wondering if this is really how life is supposed to be. And, several people verified- yes, in fact, your job is supposed to suck. Fortunately, I had a few friends who disagreed, including my husband, and once I had been fired, I decided it was enough and it had to change. So, now I have a check-in system with myself. You would think that being myself and all, I would know what I want. But, in fact, it's hardest for us to see what we ourselves want. It gets so clouded by what others want for us and themselves, as well as what we think we should do, in addition to that picture we have hanging in our heads that we created back in college, or even earlier.
So, now I don't just ask myself on a cognitive level- is this what I want? I ask myself on a spiritual level. Like I stated before in my post about pain, I feel that happiness is my compass. I have so many interests it's hard to pick just one to follow. So the way I tell which one I need to follow at this point in time is by stopping to recognize what makes me excited. I explained it to a student of mine once in relation to falling in love. When you fall in love with someone, you get butterflies whenever you think about him or her. It's just the same with everything else. If writing gets me excited, then that is what I need to do. I've also narrowed down my physical cues, which I believe everyone has but most ignore. Mine is my stomach starts to hurt. It's ironic, I think, because that's also my signal that I am stressed. But it's an entirely different kind of ache. When I am working on a program for a student that I'm really excited about or on a photography project I'm super jazzed about, I get anxious because I am eager to start. Another cue is when I'm so excited about something I can't wait to tell my husband. I'm sure I will discover more as the years pass.
I use this check-in system to make sure that I am following my correct path. It is SO easy to get side-tracked, thinking instead about what's more logical or financially responsible. In fact, in writing this, I think I have figured out the missing step in my writing process. My biggest worry is that I will get started on a book that I think is a good idea, get three-quarters of the way done, and realize I'm not passionate about it. I think that's part of what's holding me back. I want to look forward to working on my book everyday, not have it feel like an obligation. So my step before sitting down to write will be stopping to feel which way my happiness points me. I have three books I am currently working on. Maybe that number will increase. This way I have several options for my daily outlet. But every time I sit down to work I want to be sure it is because I feel it. Well maybe every time is a bit naive, but the majority of the time would be nice. I wish more people would follow their butterflies. I bet the world in general would be a happier place. I know I am definitely happier since I started. I've been at my current jobs for over a year- a record for me!- and I still love them! And, as for my side work, it's going extremely well too!
Funnily enough I just randomly decided to shoot these tonight hours before I even came up with this post. These are a couple of butterflies I picked up at the Hubbard House Thrift Store (second best in town), which I spray painted orange and hung on our wall. I guess they will now forever be my reminder to follow my happiness.
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment