Examining power and control...

I was standing behind the counter today at work when a lady walked in the door. Luckily she went up to my coworker, and he proceeded to check her in. As he did, she described how she had attempted to make a reservation through our 1-800 number, but that an "Indian" had taken her call and she couldn't understand a word he said, which angered her. She went on to say that he didn't know what he was talking about, and that an American surely needed his job more than he himself did. Normally when people say ignorant things like this I can brush them off. But this time I felt sick to my stomach and was overtaken with the urge to run away.

I've been plowing through my book, Dreams from my Father, the last couple weeks, and am now reading through Obama's teen years and his struggle with racism. And, I noticed upon reading it that I had no clue what he was talking about. Everyone thinks they know what racism is because they think they can imagine what its like or because they saw The Color Purple, but after reading this book, I realize that none of us has a clue how many tiny aspects of the universe it infiltrates and alters and in what way. I felt kind of bad reading it, since I too am "multiracial", as his friend refers to it- in truth, we all are- but have never dealt with any such prejudice aimed towards me, at least that I'm aware of. Other than the couple of times someone said some disparaging remark about Mexicans, not knowing I am "one of them", and the person I am with looks at me under their eyes to see my reaction. But it never bothered me.

The most compelling part of the book so far, though, for me, is his description of the time his own grandmother, who is white, was fearful of a panhandler because he was black. But that's not the intriguing part. It was when he told his older black friend about it and he responded to Barack that his grandmother was correct to understand that black people have something to be angry about. Something about that exchange made it clear to me that this subject is so unclear, so muddled and mixed into our everyday life that it may just be impossible to sort out. I almost didn't want to blog about it, because there's so much to discuss it's almost impossible, so why even try?

But, something about the humanness of it causes my brain wheels to start turning. This idea of "better" is just out of my cognitive reach. Better is just another dangerous modifier. But, I wonder- when was this idea born, and from whom? Where does this arrogance come from? It reminds me of when I worked in a domestic violence shelter and learned that abuse is all about power and control, not sex or having your house perfectly clean. And that to me is what racism is all about. Power and control- the goals of fearful people. Which brings me back to fear of the unknown. Instead of pushing people who are different away into separateness, why can't we simply appreciate? It is impossible to view people without some lines. In fact, I'm proud of mine. I love being Mexican. But it's when those lines separate, instead of connect, that we fall short. Once that need to be "right" (or "better") falls away, suddenly differences become positive things, and not negative.


To see the world through the eyes of an animal, free of unnecessary complications, like self-centeredness. Animals, like children, are self-centered in such a way that begets their survival. Adults are self-centered in such a way that hinders their's. When does that crossover occur? At what point do we develop our desire for power and control? And, most importantly, what for?