Loving uncertainty...

I've noticed something lately. I mean I've always noticed it to some extent, but recently it's been jumping out at me from all over the place. People creating their own misery by sinking themselves in cement. They do it to themselves, their children, their spouses, complete strangers. And, I can notice this because I used to do it myself. People in high school used to call me judgmental. I just didn't get it. I'm not judgmental, I just know what's right. Well, what I didn't know back then is that there is no such thing. When we as individuals decide that something is right, whether it be the way to dress, to live, to work, to talk, to look, what have you, we hold that ruler up to everyone we come into contact with, whether we mean to or not. And, guess what? No one matches it perfectly. Including yourself. So what happens? You suffer. And so do the people you love most.

The person who holds so tightly to these right ways to live is the person who lives in constant fear- fear that someone will shake their solid ground, that someone will break their perfect picture of the world. You can hold your child within these boundaries for just so long, your spouse will walk your tightrope just so long, your friends will hide themselves just so long, because they love you. But eventually that person won't be able to continue coloring within someone else's lines, no matter whose they are, and they will let you down. They will be their true selves. And you, you will lose it. Because you've clung to this idea for so long, organized your life around it, wrongly assumed that everyone else holds your standards to be accurate. When you come to realize they are not true for everyone, your entire world view will shift. First you may blame the other person, thinking they are not who you thought they were. But eventually you will realize that not every one else can be wrong. Not every one else can be bad. And, then you will be lost, confused, and alone.

The worst part is that you will also drag down your friends and family. Your children might act out or spend more time away from home just to get away from your invisible bonds. Your spouse might become withdrawn from you, hang out more with friends, drink, or find someone else. Your friends might keep things from you, spend less time around you, making them appear as the villains.

Obama describes this in his book so perfectly, it actually took my breath away as I read it, because I instantly knew exactly what he meant.

"Power lay in certainty- and...one man's certainty always threaten(s) another's."

He was speaking of politics in his book, but it applies to all areas of human existence. When we have these "certainties" in stone in our minds, we feel powerful. Not only because we are knowledgeable of the ways of the world, but also because we know precisely what steps to take to be "a good person". There is no doubt in our minds that we are right. We are the side God is routing for. We are safe.

But how can this be when there are about as many "certainties" as there are people in the world? It can't be. There are no certainties.

"There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world. And each one deserves a closer look." - Harriet the Spy

Don't make yourself miserable. Let people be whom they want to be, and you will be free.



As this post materialized in my head, this is the picture that came along with it. Having been the one dealing out the rules in the past, I know how wonderful it feels to let all that go and leave all the judging to God. You know I actually really hate the phrase "letting go" because it's been so overused in song lyrics, but it's the perfect way to describe it. The weight is off your shoulders, you're free to love others as they are, as well as yourself. You're free to live life.