Replacing yes with no...

I have always had this problem with saying "no" to people. Anyone- family, friends, complete strangers. My husband is always telling me I need to stand up for myself, think of my needs first, take care of myself, demand what I deserve. But after thirty years of it, the word yes just comes out automatically before I can even think. The other day a friend asked me to do them a favor. To do so would have really messed up my plans. So I took my husband's advice and said no. But even then, I found myself thinking, well my plans aren't that important. Maybe his are more important. And I stopped and listened to my thoughts. Am I really trying to measure the importance of my needs compared to another's? How would one even measure such a thing? And, who's to say mine aren't more important? Bottom line, it shouldn't matter. I saw how ludicrous my thought process is about these things. I'm always switching around my schedule for other people even if it means I get no sleep, have to stay up late, or miss out on things I really wanted to do. No wonder I have no time for my writing and photography.

So, now the question is- how do I, first, say no, and second, deal with the guilt that hits afterwards? Changing my thought process is definitely number one. But what to change it to? How do I make myself understand that no one is going to hate me if I can't do everything? Or that my priorities are just as important as others'? Where's Tom Hanks when you need him? Oh well, this one will just have to remain a work in progress.



So, this was a fun photo shoot! Had anyone seen me doing it, they probably would've called the asylum. But this is my attempt to depict my self-deprecating habit of measuring my worth. It was a fun challenge to get. A little "darker" than I usually do. Most times I try to be more uplifting with my work. But again, I am using this blog to test the many waters of photography- a little of everything.