Calling myself out...again...

Today I mused over the line that exists between art and work. If I truly want to make writing and photography my work while continuing to enjoy them, I have to figure out where this line lies. Of course, according to what I quoted Tolle on the other day, there is no line. Everything, even taking out the trash, can be enjoyed if we are aligned. And, I believe this. But what I wondered more about was actually scheduling my time. I feel I'm teetering on yet another line- the border of completely admitting that I am a writer. It would seem that this would be something I would love to claim, would love to jump into. And, I would. The thing is once I jump, I take that risk of failing. And, it's a huge risk, seeing that this is a dream I have had pretty much since birth. I don't want to end up like those people on the American Idol tryouts that make fools of themselves singing "Loving You" in front of millions of people and then walk away still believing they are truly talented, it's just that no one else can see it (or hear it).

If I jump, I want to succeed. I can't hide anymore. And, the one step left to make me feel like a real writer is to dedicate specific and consistent chunks of time to my writing. I've been doing it more often, but, as Stephen, who writes everyday including Christmas and his birthday, says, it's gotta be every day. So, I asked myself this morning- do I force myself to write, like it's a job, or do I only write when I feel inspired, like it's a hobby? Well, everyone, including me, knows the answer to this question, only it wasn't so glaringly clear until I just now typed it. I am afraid. Terrified would probably be closer to the truth. This is why I feel sick in the mornings, and at night when I lie down to sleep. I am so close, I can literally feel it. I just have to make that one final leap. I have to break that record in my head that continues to play the same old line- You're going to mess up, you're going to mess up, grow some balls as I said once before, and just do it. The time is now.


Go toward the light, dewin, go toward the light!