Eluding illusions...

Yesterday I watched my favorite movie three times in a row. Yes, three times. Our new VCR is the kind where once you rewind the tape, it automatically starts playing again. I was knee-deep in an art project and didn't feel like finding something else to watch, so I just let it keep on going. Those of you who follow this blog will not be surprised to hear that it was Jurassic Park. Everyone knows I am in love with Ian Malcolm, and if you didn't, well, I am. Him, and Laura Dern. I met her once. Well, not really met her, but hung out with her. Well, not really hung out with her, but beside her. She did talk to me though. We kept passing each other going through door ways and up and down the stairs, and she said to me, "Sorry, I seem to keep getting in your way". I offered a nervous laugh, and a "no, you're fine" instead of the "Oh my God, I LOVED Jurassic Park, you don't understand" that was raging in my head the whole night.

One of the great things about watching a movie three times in a row is that you pick up on things you never really paid attention to before. There's a scene where Dern's character is having a conversation with the creator of the park, Mr. Hammond. This time, well the second and third times, her words stood out to me like they meant something larger, only I couldn't figure out what. So, I didn't blog about it last night. Tonight upon thinking about it more, I found it fits into the realization every sign lately seems to point me to. Maybe it's just me, or it's just what I need right now, or maybe it is because it is an absolute truth. But when Mr. Hammond tells her character, Ellie, about his first theme park- a flea circus (with a "wee trapeze"), featuring motorized attractions giving the illusion of actual flea performers, he expresses his sadness that his attempt to create something real with Jurassic Park has failed. When he claims he will regain control and fix the problems, Ellie comes back at him with these words:

"It's still the Flea Circus; it's all an illusion. You never had control! That's the illusion. I was overwhelmed by the power of this place. But I made a mistake too. I didn't have enough respect for that power."

The illusion of control. We can't control our world. The lady I wrote about last night can't control what room she gets. The little girl couldn't control the fact that she accidentally hit her mom. We can't control the people we love. And, when that becomes apparent, we lose it. We yell, we hit, we cry. But not having control does not mean being powerless. We can still do things to impact our world. But we have to do them with an understanding that what we do will never control our environment or the people in it. It's important to look beneath our actions at our underlying motives and ask ourselves why we are doing what we are. Is it to control our wife? Our husband? Our child? Our friend? Our church? Our school? People in general? Or is it to bring about goodness and positive impact?


Interesting person #3.