Flying the white flag...

I haven't posted in the last couple of days- for one I was exhausted, and for two, I've been in a bit of a funk. I feel like I've really been noticing the paradoxes of the world lately, and they've been mega bringing me down. But there's one in particular that struck me hard tonight. I was working on a photo project and had Coming to America on BET keeping me company. Immediately following the movie, a new reality series came on called Monica: Still Standing. For those of you who weren't 15 in the late 90's when she and Brandy were it on the pop charts, Monica is an R&B singer who is now apparently creating her own fashion line while raising two kids.

I feel that to accurately portray the point of this post I must first include the lyrics of the show's theme song, also a single on her upcoming album of the same name. Here is a snippet...

I've been through the storm, had dirt on my name.
I'm still holding on, champion of the game.
They say, "Whatever don't kill you make you stronger", well I must be the world's strongest woman.
See I done done a whole lot of growing.
Everything you say I'm already knowing, cause I been up against the ropes.
Everything you going through I've been there before.
Seen em all come and seen em all go.
You can bet your last that my head wont hit the floor. NEVER. I'm still standing.

Ok, so this is a respectable song, an ode to feminism, strength, and courage, right? Determinism and a refusal to give up- all good things, right? I'm not gonna say they're not, and I'm not gonna say Monica hasn't been through some shit. But I am going to use her words as an example of the weakness this new ideal of "strength" brings to our country.

First of all, the intro to her show features about 6 pictures of her in different "hats"- a mom, a business woman, a wife, etc. I understand the importance of gender equality and thank all those who have fought for it, but even things that begin as positive can lead us to negative. Now, women, in order to be "strong", have to work themselves into oblivion. It is acceptable for a man to work his 8 hours, come home, watch tv, and go to football games or what have you on the weekends. But a woman's work is portrayed as never-ending. The glory of the soccer mom to me does not represent strength but weakness. No one can do everything, and no one should do everything. This brings back to mind the interview with Michelle Obama that I wrote about recently. Her mother lives with them in the White House in order to help out. Family is a necessary component of the day-to-day function of their household. Does this make her less of a strong woman? Not at all.

Secondly, this line really got under my skin- champion of the game. Champion- one who is superior. Game- a contest. This is how people view the world. This is how they view life. As a thing to overcome, something to conquer. No wonder we are all killing each other and fighting and just plain hating. This desire to be "champion of the game" is intoxicating, and is the utmost example of delusion. To be the "strongest" person is to look down on other's suffering. Everything you going through I've been there before? Pure Kanye West syndrome. Surviving pain is something to be grateful for, not to take on pride over.


My definition of a strong person? Someone who doesn't whine or take credit for the struggles they've endured, but moves on with their path, not in spite of their troubles, but because of their troubles. (See also Smart, Elizabeth.) And, someone who can ask for help when needed. (See photo above.)