Embracing dreams...

I don't normally do this, but I just have to post a quick plea to everyone in existence (or the few who read this blog). I just finished the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch and I must insist that every person who has blood running through his veins make the time to read it.

Sure, it's a story about a dying man who is trying to impart some wisdom on his children for future use. Yes, it features an amazing man who loves his mother and his wife and his kids. Ok, so it talks about love and hardship and overcoming obstacles. But, aside from all that, it's a great book!

The best part is that its greatness is completely separate from the emotionality of it. Had he not been struggling with a prognosis of two to three months to live at the time he wrote the book, it would still be an amazing and necessary work. His overall theme of following your childhood dreams is one I have posted about before, but his conclusions on the subject are simple and astounding at the same time. The final pages just left my mouth agape. He is my hero in that he takes life- a thing we have worked so hard to make so complicated, and from it, draws a straight line. It's just beautiful. So seriously, go get it. It's short and because of his informal use of speech, easy to read and entertaining.


The Lover's Oak; Brunswick, Georgia.

Avoiding Uncle Walter...

I was so incredibly inspired by the State of the Union address tonight. I gotta say that parts of it felt much like the days when I was in first grade and the teacher would gather all of us around and give us a talk about how we should be nice to each other and I would get that burning feeling in my gut cause I was in trouble. And, let me also say that we deserved it. But, at the very same time that I was appreciating his talk, I was disgusted at the fact that he actually had to spend the entire country's valuable time on such elementary crap. How ridiculous that we all had to be chided for our infantile behavior. But everyone's so damned focused on all the adult stuff, we don't have time to remember the lessons we learned in elementary school. When did we all get so hateful? It is just like Conan O'Brien said in his final address as the host of The Tonight Show. Cynicism is useless.

We have created a new American value of sitting back lazily on our morals and playing couch coach to the world. I no more know how to govern the country than my dog knows how to drive a car. In fact, nobody really knows. It's got to be the most difficult job in existence. But I sure respect the man who gives it a try. And, even more, I respect the one who does so honestly.

There's a song by Ben Folds Five about a friend's uncle who likes to spout off on his views of the world and its events from his LaZBoy recliner. It's a hilarious take on what we've all become. I don't know about the rest of the country, but I don't want to be an Uncle Walter. And, for that reason alone, I put my trust in our President.


UNCLE WALTER

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
'bout everything he's seen and done.
The voice of fifty years experience,
he's drunk watching the television.
You know he's been around the world;
last night he flew to Baghdad
in his magical armchair,
with cigarettes and a six pack.
Yeah, he just got back;
the spit's flying everywhere.

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on.
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
And how could you leave me here
so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter saw
who fired the shots;
he drove his chair in the cavalcade.
He's flown from South Africa to
countries where they beat themselves
on the backs with chains.
There was a fleet of battleships
and one reclining chair
headed north on the Arabian Sea.
Now he's back to tell us what
he and his oldest boy Blair,
they're getting rich with
a mail order scheme.

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on.
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
And how could you leave me here
so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter told me
everything he'd do if he was president.
Now what a perfect world
this world would be
if he was president now.
But he's not.



Michael James. The raddest ship in the ship yard. Also the only one not on the water. My time with Michael James was important to me because it was the first time I had balls enough to walk onto private property and snap photos, waving to the men giving me weird looks as I drove away as though I belonged there. I now know that being a photographer requires you to be part spy, which luckily, is also the part time job of a writer. But no worries, I learned from the master- HarrieT!

Fightin' the funk...

I been feelin' the funk the last week or so. The funk is for me what menstrual cramps are for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My super special secret warning system. In fact, it was the recognition of this system that led me to begin this blog. So, naturally, my antennae immediately went up and I asked myself what it was I wanted that I was ignoring. Suddenly out of nowhere I was hating my jobs, I was worrying about money, I was super stressed and breaking out- definite symptoms of getting off course. Just as before, I found that it was the fact that I had not been giving enough time to my artful endeavors. To be more specific, I was feeling the itch to explore.

When I was a kid, my family didn't have your typical planned vacations. Our vacations consisted of us packing up a weekend bag and jumping in the car headed to nowhere. My dad would drive, stopping by "Burger Biggie" for a snack and looking out for the next tiny town. Ok, so maybe he had a general idea of where we were headed, but who knows if that was where we would actually end up. We visited Cedar Key, Micanopy, Mount Dora- small towns throughout Florida. We'd walk through the town exploring antique shops and restaurants and occasionally hit a state park. Once we even tried canoeing as a family, a big mistake we found out when we got stuck in some growth and a passing canoeist informed us that we were in the damn thing backwards.

Nonetheless, I believe that this is where I first inherited my urge to be surrounded by the unfamiliar. I love to explore places and make them my own. And, what's great is now that I'm older I have found a means for exploring them- through photography. Photography is my super power because it allows me the unique privilege of noticing the beauty in the ordinary, the tiny, and the mundane.

So I packed up all of these realizations in my camera bag today and used my one day off to get the funk out. My husband and I got on google and pointed our virtual finger down on the map, landing on Brunswick, Georgia. That's the great thing about living in North Florida, we get to partake in both states. Neither of us had ever been to Brunswick, so we loaded up our ipod and hit the road.

Brunswick is beautiful for those of you who have never been. It is on the water, so we visited an old ship yard where we met Michael James. It is filled with old abandoned railroad tracks (my favorite kind), where I had a private photo shoot with an old rusted Norwalk and Western railcar. It is home to the Lover's Oak, the 900 year old oak tree which served as a kind of makeout point for the Native Americans. It also has a main street lined with oldschool storefronts, complete with a cozy little book store where we spent about an hour browsing through classic novels and photography books.

The thing is even if all of my photos had turned out horrible, I still would've felt better. Getting out of my comfort zone and being out in the beautiful world is such a renewal for me. It's like being born again. You know how people like to say you should live like you're dying? Well, I like to live like I was just born. Like the world is a new place I've never seen. Being in touch with that awe and curiosity inside is my way of reminding myself that being here is a gift, not a burden.


Puttin' on the Ritz. A historic theater in the middle of town. It was built in 1899 as an opera house, which later turned to a vaudeville theater before moving to motion pictures. Although its roof collapsed, it was renovated in the 80s, but the sign is the original. The theater now showcases concerts and film screenings.

Writing like a goat...

There are certain singers whose voices are so unique and identifiable that you could recognize them in an instant. And, they are beautiful. There are other singers who are, without a doubt, talented, but no one sings like these particular performers. And no one ever will. As I was driving home from visiting my parents tonight, I passed the time by making a mental list of those singers who, I believe, fall into this category. This is what I came up with:

Aretha Franklin
Willie Nelson
Michael Jackson
Tina Turner
Rod Stewart
Randy Travis
Paul McCartney
Steven Tyler
Alanis Morrisette
Axl Rose
Dolly Parton
Bette Midler
Gwen Stefani (sorry, had to)

I had fun trying to think of them all, and I'm sure I could think of several others if I tried. The thing is a lot of singers are wonderful, but there's just something about a voice that stands out from the rest. This is what I hope to be. Last night, as part of my writing work, I made a different kind of list. A list of all the things I hope my writing to be. It turned out to be a surprisingly short list. It began as this:

1. true
2. appealing to both men and women
3. thought-provoking
4. open (my favorite word)
5. fun to read (and write)

And, now it's down to one.

1. mine

I want my voice to be its own. You know when Shakira auditioned for her school choir, the director told her she sang like a goat and forced her to change her style to match those around her. Ok, so in a choir situation, this makes sense. But in a worldly one, it doesn't. And, though I am not a fan of her current work, Shakira could definitely be added to list number one. I want to write like a goat. Not because I want to prove anything. Not because I want to be different. Not because I want to be rich and famous. Because I want someone to read one page of my work and say, "that's dewin's". I want my work to have me written all over it. Because that's the only way to write true.

Being happy...

I won my first blog award!!! It is called the Happy Blog Award, and it was bestowed upon me by the very person who encouraged me to start blogging in the first place. I had had this blog up already, but only updated it when I did art shows and such, which was not very often. With her encouragement though, I began my daily blog and photo posts, which, though I have stepped back a bit from doing them every day, continue to be one of the highlights in my life. So, thank you, Courtney!

As part of the award, I have been assigned the great and wonderful task of listing the top 10 things that make me happy, along with the blogs that I pass this award on to. Luckily I am constantly thinking about what makes me happy, and actually posted about some of them the other day. The things that make me happy are those gateways I described that allow me passage to a higher realm. This world maintains me, but it is a higher one that sustains me. So here are my top 10 gateways:

1. Love
This one is my favorite! Whether it's my husband, my dog, my family, friends, or a stranger who just gives me a random smile just when I need it, love takes me to a higher place. The great thing about love is that it works two ways- when I give my love and when I receive others' love. That makes for more opportunities for happiness!

2. Imagination
This is a close second. I have been addicted to imagination since birth. This is another one that comes in many forms and offers many opportunities. Creating pictures out of patterns in wood, exploring the depths of the ocean, thinking up scary tales from beyond, floating through the cosmos- all things that my imagination has allowed me to do.

3. Storytelling
I don't remember the first story I was told. I wish I could. But this is the gateway behind my love of songs, books, movies, plays, and musicals. I haven't quite gotten to the bottom of this one, but I don't believe it's as simple as just the desire to escape reality. When I join someone else, real or fictitious, in their journey through life, it becomes my journey, regardless of its plotline. I don't know how to describe it, but it carries me the same way that love and imagination do.

4. Music
I mentioned songs above in reference to their lyrics. The music behind the lyrics is also a catalyst for me to reach higher levels. It ignites in me an energy that makes me want to jump higher, smile wider, and sing louder. It makes me want to grab life and shake just a little more out of it. This is why I love No Doubt. For whatever reason the energy they disperse is on a similar wavelength to where I live. So, as Gwen sings in my all-time favorite live song, New, "like a fresh battery, I'm energized by you."

5. Color
Anyone who steps one foot into my house will not be surprised by this one. The minute my husband gave me the go ahead with his house back when we started dating, the walls had no chance. Beige is my enemy. Colors take me places that I wish blind people could go too. They are actually like the gateway to my gateway number 2. When I see bright colors, my imagination goes wild. I think of patterns and projects and places and feelings. My favorite color is blue. The bright light blue of the sky, the deep dark blue of the river. Any blue takes me on a voyage to places this world would never allow me to go.

6. Nature
Ok, I wasn't really born in St. Augustine, but as I have posted before, I call it my birthplace. I was conceived at the time that my parents were building our old beach house there. And, after spending my summers there as a kid, I spent my adolescent weekends exploring at our lakehouse in Keystone. Then, when I was 12, I became best friends with a chick who personifies the outdoors. She taught me to ride bikes and hike and climb trees and catch snakes and canoe. Luckily, I still call her my best friend, and now she is my favorite state parking buddy. Being in nature is something I cannot describe because it is the definition of pure being. It's like going home.

7. Water
Again, I spoke of my attraction to water in my recent post about gateways. And, I guess you could call this a subcategory under nature. But, you know, even those manmade drainage ditches do something to me. I think it's the way water moves. I love to watch and listen to the way it laps up against things and against itself. It's so calming. I guess it is my balance to the the energy I gain through music.

8. Sadness
This may sound weird, but sometimes feeling sad makes me happy. For instance, my favorite movies are Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, and Beaches. My favorite musical is Les Miserables. As Deepak Chopra says in the book I am currently reading, a fish has no concept of "wetness". "Unless the fish jumps out of the ocean, water is everywhere; there is no contrast, and therefore no dryness that makes wetness possible." In other words, in order to feel happiness, we must experience sadness. Otherwise how could we tell the difference?

9. Camaraderie
I have very few friends in my circle, as I am not a very social person. But the ones I do have I have for a very specific reason. Being with them requires no thought or effort. It just comes naturally. It's similar to the flow of creativity that overcomes us sometimes. It just flows from us when we are together. Even with my friends whom I only see once or twice a year. Though we may not speak often, it matters not. Being with them is as natural, and as essential, as breathing.

10. Work
Nothing feels the same as that of seeing the fruits of your labor. Walking through my beautifully clean house today was totally worth the days it took of sweating and slaving. Having a student score well on their SAT and come back to thank me in tears is worth all the monotonous hours of test prep. Completing all my reports at the hotel is satisfying. Seeing an art project go from a vague idea in my head to a solid product in my hand or on my wall is beyond words amazing. Though I may grumble about having to work sometimes, I know that without it I would be lost.


Ok, so now onto the blogs I would like to pass this Happy Blog Award to. I actually only follow a couple of blogs, so I had to do a little research on this one. My night of "blog hopping" ended up, surprisingly, being a very boring one. I found that there are very few good blogs out there, or maybe I was just looking in all the wrong places. If I see another picture of a kid with food smeared on its face and how cute, adorable, sweet, etc. it is, I am going to barf. So, please, if anyone has or knows of an interesting blog, pass it on! But, for now, here are my winners:

1. Scattered Lupines
This is my friend, Courtney's blog. She is as big of a book freak as I, so how could I not love it! She also posts yummy recipes, and occasional design and educational tidbits. All my favorite things!

2. Jam*n*Jilly
This is my sister's blog. I am very proud of her for creating this craft-inspired blog, because she is very talented, but for years didn't trust her talent enough to follow through on it. But now she blogs, hosts craft parties, and even did an art show with me! Check out her inspired craft and design ideas!

3. Prairie Thistle
I was turned on to this blog when I ordered a journal from etsy for my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. Turns out the artist can do more than just make a rad journal. Check out her beautiful metalwork, artwork and thoughts. You can even read a post about my journal here!
First Anniversary Journal

4. Stacey Bruce Photography
This is my new favorite blog brought to me by my number 3 blog. She is new to the blogging world, but has already posted some beautiful photography and inspiring material. I'm excited to see where her blog goes!

5. Destination Unknown
I came across this blog last night in my searching. I must say I was attracted by the awesome name. I really liked the content of her blog, too- one, because it is truly thoughtful, and two, it makes no apologies. She is totally honest in her blogging, but in a respectable way, something I am too chicken to try. So in a way her blog is what my blog wants to be when it grows up! Oh, and she wears Converse!

Thanks guys for spreading the happiness!!


One last thing that always puts a smile on my face!

Moving on...

Today as I pulled into my driveway coming home from work, I looked up at the clouds before closing my moon roof and jumped. They were moving so fast that I thought I had forgotten to put it in park and was about to run into the garage. Then I realized it was the clouds moving, not me, and laughed at myself.

Being the lucky Floridians that we are, we were served another gorgeous day filled with rain and sun. So, again my poor dirty house got put on the back burner, and I grabbed my book and my hammock and headed out the door. I couldn't even read for the first few minutes, I was just stunned at how fast the clouds were passing through. I've been reading a lot about different theories of life after death, including studies on near death experiences and reincarnation. These types of ideas have always intrigued me since the days when my dad got me hooked on the show Unsolved Mysteries, the best show ever.

You know, when I started this little crusade of finding out more about death, it was terrifying and depressing. I read books about murder and the Holocaust and slavery. I was certain that mankind was going to soon implode from its centuries-old habit of conspiring with evil. But lately as I've read books that are focused more on the actual process of dying rather than the cause of death, I have been lifted. Then, last night I actually had the opportunity to speak to someone who has experienced it firsthand.

We get a lot of Mayo Clinic patients at the hotel where I work, and last night I received a call from a lady wanting to make a reservation for her transplant checkup. I'm not quite sure how or why but we ended up on the phone for over a half hour, and the entire time I was wishing beyond hope that the phone wouldn't ring and no one would come to the desk. I didn't want to stop talking to her. She told me of her heart failure and her estimated life expectancy that she had passed up 4 years ago. She told me of how she just wanted to hold on until her son turned 18. She told me about her transplant surgery and about how the new organ failed her. She told me how she had died. She had died and seen her son. She went to him and yelled and yelled at him to turn around and go back to the hospital he had just left, but he couldn't hear her. She yelled, but he just sat there crying silently. And then she came back.

Whether one chooses to believe in reincarnation or near death experiences or not, it is most certain that we move from one realm to this one to another. The question that hit me today as I was watching the clouds was- am I moving through this world as I have always believed, or is this world moving through me?


I noticed today that we now sell Jones Soda in our hotel market. I'd heard that you can submit photos for their labels, so I visited their website. They have some really great photography on there! I had so much fun looking through all the photos and voting on my favorites. You should check it out. I am definitely going to work on some to submit. Maybe this one!

jonessoda.com

Maintaining my gateways...

Today was my reminder that the grass is always green on both sides. Yesterday I posted about the beauty of the returning sunlight. Today I awoke to the beauty of wind and rain. When I first stepped outside this morning I was taken aback by the scents carried on the air. The smells of rain, trees, the ocean, but the strongest was that of flowers, which struck me as peculiar since most of the flowers in our neighborhood shriveled as a result of the recent drop in temperature. But if you closed your eyes, you would have thought you were in a rainforest in spring. It was remarkable. I decided to sit outside and read for a while instead of cleaning my house. That's when I noticed the sounds of the birds. I even heard an owl. It was also as I was reading that I noticed the drops of rain clinging to everything around me. A couple drops even hit me right on the forehead as the winds loosed them from their leaves.

It's funny because yesterday I spoke of light as a metaphor for the goodness within. To me, I think that water is a metaphor for the goodness without. When I was young, I loved to just stare at the water. During summers spent at my family's beach house, I would set my internal alarm clock for before anyone else was up and look out as the sun rose above the ocean. This is the time when the dolphins all came out to play. As I've written before, whenever we would cross over the river, I would watch each lap of water until we reached the tip top of the bridge, when I would imagine myself diving off into the cool blue depths to swim with the creatures below. Because of these things, I thought I wanted to be a marine biologist. But now I know that it is simply proof that water is my gateway.

Every person has his own gateway to the Divine. In fact, he has several. We were someplace before we were born and we will return there after we pass, true. But I have found that we still have access to that place in this life. The struggle of the journey is two-fold: determining what your gateways are and, subsequently, keeping them always open. The reason for this is that staying connected to that place is the only way of remaining grounded in this life. If a person becomes encompassed in this world solely- the desires and drives of it, he will lose himself. However, if the connection is maintained, he will navigate this world easily and peaceably.

I have found that some of my gateways are: my love for my husband, art, writing, taking photos, stories (whether in books, movies, or other), music, water, and nature. Now that I have recognized them, I can use them to ensure that I never let this world knock me off my feet, but always remain connected to my one true home.


Our aloe plant, the one plant who is still with us.

Giving it away...

Sometimes it's fun to think about what you would do if you won a million dollars. I have had this conversation with a few people and each one has said how much they would love giving it away to friends, to family, and to favorite charities. I used to think about the Jaguar I would buy for my father, the student loans I would pay off for my best friend, the money I would donate to Hubbard House. It's almost more fun to imagine giving it away to others than to think of what you would do for yourself. Just to have that power of being able to make someone else's life easier would fill you with such joy.

This morning I had a dream. I had a dream that instead of blood and organs, my body was filled with this tremendous light. It was so bright that it shone from all the pores of my skin. I experienced a feeling of airiness and freedom. I wanted to share this light with everyone, and so I danced out into my street, through my neighborhood and into the world. When I awoke, I was hit with the realization that we are in possession of the ability to make others' lives easier, better. We have so much inside to give that we never even realize. So many tiny little ways to soothe the discomfort of the world.

Today I was on a mission to find them. So far, I found I could donate old clothes and items to Hubbard House instead of giving money. So I did. Today I found that I could slow down to let someone into my lane. So I did- several times (gotta love Beach Boulevard). Today I found that I can just say thank you to my parents for all they do for me. So I did. And, the day is hardly out. Just think of all the ways I will find tomorrow, and the next day. It's almost as fun as thinking about winning a million dollars.



Today was a beautiful day. Finally the abnormally cold weather lifted and the sun shone clear. I love it when a ray of light shines right in through the window highlighting all of the particles floating through the air. I wondered if I could capture them using my new lens, and this is the result. It's like the light in my dream that shone through me and highlighted my many tiny abilities to spread happiness.

Dedicating myself to the journey...

I was working at the hotel last night, and though I am very, very grateful for the cessation of Christmas music, I was not impressed with a song that came over the lobby speakers. At the first note, I recognized it as the amazing voice of Martina McBride, and immediately knew to shield my ears. The girl may be able to sing, but she can't for the life of her pick a good songwriter, at least not since My Baby Loves Me from way back when. But like watching a car wreck, I attuned my senses. Trying to make out the words and figure out what she was talking about, I was faced with the bridge, a sappy, banal trifecta:

Nothing makes sense when you're not here
As if my whole world disappears
Without you what's the point of anything?

Stick a soldier, a baby, and an old couple in the video, and she's got a hit.

As I was listening to this song, I was reading about a psychological study in which a group of subjects were gathered around a tape recorder and asked to take notes on what the recorded voice was saying. They were told that they were being tested on how well the brain makes out faint sounds, so the recording was barely audible. The real experiment, though, concerned itself with how people make meaning from their environment. The words spoken on the recording were actually just random nonsense, yet the subjects' notes each reflected their own intelligible version, pointing out the human pull to create meaning, even from nothing. This also points out why this song's lyrics irked me so badly.

People wonder why there is so much suicide, divorce, substance abuse, etc. In my mind, the main reason is that people try to make meaning from the other people in their lives. When you say something like, Without you what's the point of anything? you are essentially attributing your entire existence to another being, and in so doing, putting enormous expectations on that person's shoulders, basically dooming them to never live up to your requirements for love, as it is impossible for one to gain meaning or purpose from another. In turn, you too doom yourself to not living up to your own expectations of a fulfilled life. Because one day that child you dedicated your life to will move on, that spouse will change, or that friend will pass on. And you will be left alone to face yourself, and you will have no one to hold responsible for your purpose but your own soul. This is why I hate the Hallmark idea of dedicating yourself completely to another. Sure, it sounds beautiful set to music but it is a dangerous trap when set to life.


Messing with motion. I hate this fan, but figured it'd be a good subject to help me practice with different settings.

Controlling my monkey...

Tonight I read a story about a monkey. This monkey was shut inside a small room in a castle tower all alone. With nothing more to do than look out the window at the world outside, the monkey became bored. As the days passed, he grew more and more depressed. His depression turned to anguish, his anguish to torment. He began to see demons around him inflicting all kinds of pain, and he realized he was in Hell. His situation continually got worse and worse, until one day, after an unknown expanse of time, he realized it wasn't such a bad room. And, it was kind of nice looking out onto the world. Bit by bit, the demons left the monkey alone, and he became more and more optimistic, eventually even cheerful. He imagined himself in Paradise, being soothed by angels.

This story is part of an old Indian fable, as read in Life After Death. The gentleman telling the story explains to his audience of one that the monkey is the mind, trapped in the tower of the head. When he is asked if we are all trapped, he answers, "Only if you agree to be trapped. I never said the tower was locked."

This story hit me at the perfect time. I am always thinking to myself how sad it is that people are constantly on guard, thinking others are somehow after them. If I go slow in traffic, I'm purposely making you late for work. If I forget a step on the job, I am purposely adding more work to your plate. If I do anything you don't like, I am to be the object of your anger. I especially feel this way at Christmas. Everyone says that they love the holidays because people are nicer. I have never witnessed this. I have never seen so much road rage as I do in the month of December.

Then, I realized that I do this too. Whenever I am dealing with others, I always imagine the worst case scenario and play it over and over in my head until sometimes I forget that it isn't real. It's like I am building up my guard in case the person reacts in such a way. I did it the other day. A parent emailed me that she wanted to revisit her kid's schedule with me. Well I immediately assumed she wanted to change all these dates and I wouldn't be able to stand for it and I would have to tell her no and she would be rude and and and... and it turns out she only wanted to reschedule one. And she was super nice about it. But I had built her up to be this mean person who was trying to take advantage of me. Why? Because I can't control my monkey. I can't seem to keep it from seeing devils where there are angels.

This story is a good reminder that the world is what we make of it, quite literally. Sure, there will always be crap that happens, and it will be hard to deal with when it does, but if we see the world as a welcoming accepting place, instead of as a warzone, it will become such. It brings to mind a verse from my favorite Jason Mraz song, Live High...

I try to picture the man to always have an open hand
See him as a giving tree, see him as matter
Matter of fact he's not a beast
No, not the devil either, always a good deed doer


Playing with steam. I don't know, sometimes I get very weird ideas.

Giving peace a chance...

I think I've found the sign of a great book. Though I finished it a week ago, I can't seem to stop thinking about The Lovely Bones. And, it's not just that I can't stop thinking about it, but that I am still having realizations from it days later. This story gave me my first glimpse at what the world could, and never will, be. This story is the only story I have ever known to discuss events in a completely nonjudgmental way. It hit me yesterday that regardless of all the painful and difficult events that happened in the story, they were never viewed as negative. They just were. For instance, the grandmother's alcoholism is regarded as simply part of her personality. The mother's affair is simply viewed as her way of dealing with her daughter's murder. The father's self-absorption a desire for closure that will never come. No blame is attributed; only understanding.

There is no drama related to any of the events. There is no anger or hatred. It's the most peaceful environment that the author has created. Yet, even with this, the story is still beautiful and captivating. It reminds me of the saying that people can't see the forest for the trees. As I blogged about in my last post about this book, the storyline is not focused on the small points. Most books would focus on the capture of the murderer, punishment for the mother for her cheating, anger at the grandmother for her drinking, pain in the children for having to go through the loss of their sister. But none of these even near the forefront of the plotline. Instead it focuses on the forest, the point- living. It is a tale of one family's struggle to live with death. And, despite the fact that each of them achieves peace in his own unique way, no judgment is given to the path they each choose. If only the real world could open its viewpoint that way and take in all circumstances, understanding that not every one can get to point Z via the same route, our lives would be filled with such peace.


Meet Fortress Maximus, here to establish peace for all. So, my husband's parents brought up some of his transformers when they came for Christmas. Turns out they're worth a pretty sum of cash money. So, I decided to do a little photo shoot to help me practice manually focusing my new lens. Thanks, Max.

Letting it be...

This New Year's was spent traversing my home state with a rock band. Such a journey can take one to unexpected places with unexpected people. One of those unexpected people I got to hang out with was me. It takes a lot for me to surprise myself, but that I did on my mini-vacation, and I ended up having a great time with myself.

For one, as anyone who reads this blog at all will know, I love Florida and I love to be outside. Driving, or should I say riding, along down the coast of St. Petersburg, across the Everglades, and through south Florida, I saw some amazingly beautiful scenery. And though I saw it through a pane of glass, it was enough. It was enough to say to myself- this is the best day of my life. I think maybe that is the only new year's resolution that can be attained. To let it be enough. No more yearning for more. I could've wasted that beauty by wishing I had had time to stop off and hike through it or camp in it; but somehow, in that car, next to my husband, there was no where else I would have rather been.

For two, I went to a party. Yes, me. And better yet, I chose to go. And, I met some wonderful people and had a great time. In fact, my husband was ready to go before I was, which for those who don't know that I am a complete social phobe- this has never happened. I made a friend. A few, actually. And, I talked and made plans and even laughed. I didn't judge myself on the stupid things I might be saying, I just said them.

For three, I spoke my mind. I hate tension and, therefore, confrontation, but I spoke my mind to a complete stranger and I did not let him walk all over me. In fact, I spoke my mind several times- not rudely, but I stood up for myself. I felt strong like my sisters, but this time it was me. I said what I felt, and I didn't have any regrets.

So, this new year my aim is to let it be enough, especially with myself. I found out that when I stop judging myself into a hole, I am a pretty cool person to be around. And, I take some damn good pictures. ;)


This is one I shot of my husband playing. Please check out this and the others at my flickr site-

flickr.com/dewindesigns