Creating (not following) my path...

Today I finished the second of two autobiographical accounts of hostage experiences in the Colombian jungle.  The first, written by then presidential candidate Ingrid Betancourt, I read for my book review blog.  I was so intrigued by her story that I then read the narrative of her companion, lawyer Clara Rojas.  Next on my agenda is yet another account co-written by three American soldiers who were held with the women.  One thing I like about Betancourt's story is that it truly gives you a glimpse into the human psyche and how it reacts to the lack of freedom and all that comes with it.  Clara's story is interesting because it discusses the trials of having a child in middle of the jungle.  As I was reading the final chapters of her book this evening, I came across a cool quote that not only sums up her experience of six years of being held captive, but my struggle with how I want to express my life.  She pulled it from a song by Joan Manuel Serrat entitled, "Caminante No Hay Camino".  The chorus goes like this:


"Traveler, there is no set path;
the path is made while walking it.
Blow by blow, kiss by kiss,
that's how a path is made."


I have a new favorite hobby: searching for real estate online.  Do we have any plans to move anytime soon, no.  But I like to daydream that one day we could afford a cozy little cottage in St. Augustine hidden amongst the huge oak trees, draped in moss.  It's fun to daydream, but the thing is when I close my laptop, instead of pulling inspiration from the act of dreaming, I grow bitter and angry that I am forced to settle for what I have.  I did this last night, and my husband pointed it out to me.  I had never noticed before that I get that way.  So as I lay in bed I asked myself, why do I do that to myself, why do I even look at the houses if I can't afford them?  'Because it's fun' was my mind's quick response.  It's fun to dream and pretend.  So that's when I realized it's ok to dream but only if you use it to inspire you, not deflate you.  The Serrat quote reinforced this thinking for me today.  I interpreted it as a reminder to step back, chill out, and enjoy what I've been given.  To stop worrying about what comes next.

Fun with trespassing!  (At least I don't live here, right?!)